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Supercommunicators by Charles Duhigg — illustrated cover

Supercommunicators

by Charles Duhigg

Why do some people connect with almost anyone, while others keep missing each other even when they agree? Charles Duhigg argues the difference is a learnable skill, not a gift. Drawing on research and stories from places like the CIA, hospitals and TV writers' rooms, he shows that most discussions are really three kinds of conversation at once. One is practical, about what this is really about. One is emotional, about how we feel. One is social, about who we are. Supercommunicators notice which one is happening and match it. They ask deep questions, prove they are listening, and make room for people's identities. They also set ground rules when conversations get hard. The result is what Duhigg calls a learning conversation, where both people understand each other better. Anyone can practise it, whether at work, at home or online.

7 narrated, animated lessons · about 15 minutes in total.

Play lesson 1

Supercommunicators summary, chapter by chapter

  1. Lesson 1 · 2:12

    Every Conversation Is Really Three

    Most conversations mix three kinds at once, practical, emotional and social, and miscommunication happens when people are having different kinds without realising it.

  2. Lesson 2 · 2:08

    The Matching Principle

    Connection happens when we notice which kind of conversation the other person is having and meet them there, instead of pulling them into ours.

  3. Lesson 3 · 2:05

    What Is This Really About?

    In practical conversations, openly sharing your goals and asking what the other person wants turns a tug of war into joint problem solving.

  4. Lesson 4 · 2:03

    Deep Questions Open People Up

    Asking about values, beliefs and experiences, rather than just facts, invites people to share feelings and builds real closeness quickly.

  5. Lesson 5 · 2:00

    Prove You're Listening by Looping

    In conflict, repeating back what you heard in your own words and checking you got it right shows people they are understood, which lowers defences.

  6. Lesson 6 · 2:06

    Who Are We? Identity Shapes Hearing

    Our social identities shape how we hear a message, so good communicators acknowledge the many identities people hold and look for ones they share.

  7. Lesson 7 · 2:04

    The Learning Conversation

    Notice the kind of conversation, share goals, ask about and share feelings, and explore identities, and every conversation becomes a chance to truly understand each other.

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